Much of what I've learned about discipling has come from my friendship with Brian. Like Paul and Timothy, Brian invested many hours with me.

As I think back on how he did that, there are at least seven ways he helped me grow that I can repeat with others.

1. Brian prayed for me. From the start I knew he was a man of prayer. I know I was prayed for regularly because I saw him pray for others, I saw the prayer lists he kept, and I saw his commitment to prayer. We prayed each time we were together, not only that we would apply what we were learning, but for the needs of others.

2. Scripture was key in Brian's life and ministry. He was clearly a man of the Word. He shared his personal study goals with me, and our discussion often revolved around the latest passage he had studied.

Brian used Scripture as if he knew it would produce results. Is. 55:11 rang true: "So is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty." Brian regularly memorized it and encouraged me to do so.

3. Brian had a flexible plan in mind to help me grow in my walk with God. He didn't simply "pull things out of the air" to share with me, nor did he come with a pre-planned, six-week program chiseled in stone. He had thought through what he wanted to talk about and passages to study, but he also directed the discussion to fit my situation. His overall preparation really helped me, and his flexibility helped me not to feel like I had come off an assembly line.

4. Brian always developed a hospitable atmosphere for our time together. Since I was a hungry student, he recognized my need for a good meal and often bought my lunch. I felt comfortable around him. He shared freely about himself and encouraged me to do the same. He helped me (as my friend Bill Ditewig defines hospitality) "to feel at home in his space."

5. Brian was a real friend to me. He was interested in me and what I had to say. He could have treated me like a project, but I knew that our friendship was as important to him as it was to me.

He spent time with me when I know he could have chosen any number of others to be with. We once went to a football game together and a party afterward with some of his other friends. I was included as "one of the guys." From time to time he called me at home to see how I was doing. And when he went overseas, he wrote to me.

6. Brian was a model I could pattern my life after. Much of our time together was without a specific agenda. This allowed me to "look over his shoulder," to observe how he lived his life. I watched him set priorities for his future, make hard decisions at work, and react to people he didn't agree with. I listened to him respond to the latest news report and saw his Christian world view in action. Seeing him handle tough situations convinced me more than ever that the Christian faith was more than doctrine. It was the key to life.

He didn't have to live so transparently. I could have been led to believe the Christian life was never hard. But Brian chose to reveal himself as he really was.

7. Brian encouraged me to apply what I was learning. At the time I met Brian, I was also attending a college-age group at church. They needed a song leader. I was reluctant to volunteer since I had only been playing the guitar for six months, but Brian encouraged me to try. With my knees knocking, I got up in front of the eighty-plus students and learned to lead songs. He started coming to the meetings to encourage me afterward. He enabled me to take a risk, and through it I was learning to serve Jesus.

At the same time, I was driving the church bus on Sunday mornings to pick up cadets at a nearby military academy. As I started to develop relationships with some of the guys, Brian encouraged me to build some close friendships. We brainstormed with our pastor about ways to reach the cadets. We planned and started a weekly Bible study for them. Through that process, I started to apply what I had learned from Brian.

© Copyright 2005 Smalley Relationship Center. Used by permission.

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