Roast turkey with "the works" on Thanksgiving, family gatherings, holiday cheer, presents under the tree on Christmas, lighting of the candles on Hanukkah. For many, these images inspire warm feelings of anticipation of good food, good company, and good times. For some, instead of "holiday cheer," many find that holidays only bring "the blues." If holidays are suppose to be times of joy, why do so many people wind up hurting? To answer this question, let's take a closer look at the "blues."

All of us at one time or another experience the blues. We may temporarily feel "down" because of past and/or present experiences. However, when these feelings last over a longer period of time and/or significantly effect our daily actions, we may be dealing with more significant blues - depression. It has been estimated that 30% to 45% of Americans struggle with feeling of depression at any given time. The National Institute of Mental Health defines depression as, "An emotional state of dejection and sadness, ranging from mild discomfort and down-heartedness to feelings of hopelessness and despair." While the variety of depressive experiences vary widely, there are some common characteristics, such as:

depressed mood
loss of interest or pleasure in usual activities
significant weight loss/gain
sleep difficulties
fatigue or loss of energy
feelings of worthlessness, helplessness, hopelessness
excessive/inappropriate guilt
problems thinking and/or concentrating
recurrent thoughts of death
thinking about suicide
low self-esteem
lack/reduced interest in sex
isolation/withdrawal from others

While identifying with any of these characteristics is not a diagnosis of depression, it may point to some problem areas. If you find that many of these symptoms fit you, you may want to talk about your feelings with a mental health professional.

While depressive symptoms can be triggered by a variety of things, they often relate to feelings of having lost something. We may have lost a job, a love relationship, or anything that we judge as valuable to us, either currently or in the past. This also includes feelings of having lost an expected outcome, ideal, or dream. This may be where holiday blues comes from; not having the kinds of family relationships or friendships that we desire within which to share a happy holiday season.

While holidays and other events may get us down, there are a variety of things we can do to combat "the blues." These strategies come in two "flavors"; those things you can do on your own, and things to do with others.

Things to Do On Your Own

The first step in dealing with any problem is to acknowledge and accept your feelings. Trying to deny or suppress your true feelings doesn't work; it just adds to the emotional "baggage" we carry around. Once you have acknowledged and accepted your feelings, there is often a tendency to become too involved analyzing those feelings and their source. If the source of the feelings are not quickly apparent, give up analyzing them. This type of continual analysis only serves to promote the blues.

A second area of things you can do on your own involves taking care of yourself physically. This includes attending to your nutrition, exercise, time, and sleep. Eating balanced meals at regular intervals helps even out blood sugars which can,in turn, help balance out moods. Moderate exercise also helps promote our body's natural stress fighters (which also help make us feel better naturally). Following a schedule and managing your time well is also helpful. Set a daily routine and stick to it. Allow yourself extra time, both for tasks and for "slack time." Finally, getting proper rest, even allowing yourself more sleep time, will help preserve your energy level, and thus promoting the resources you need to manage your emotions.

A third area of strategies has to do with how you think. The activity that goes on "between our ears" is what makes the difference in how we make sense of what happens to us in life. As such, we have the ability to modify our beliefs, which can modify how we feel. This group of strategies includes things like; accentuating the positive aspects of yourself; de-emphasize your faults by accepting yourself as you are; be as tender to yourself as you would be to a good friend. It also includes something often overlooked - humor.

Laughter is a truly healing force. So, buy joke books, rent funny video tapes, read the comic strips, try to see the lighter side of everyday events. A related area is learning to relax. Meditation, quiet contemplation, and structured relaxation techniques are good ways to teach your body and your mind to let go of tensions.

Things to Do With Others

More than many other things, holidays reflect traditions or "rituals", some of which may be cultural and others more specific to individuals and/or families. Each of us has grown up with particular rituals which may no longer meet our needs, and thus may actually contribute to the holiday blues. A positive aspect of rituals is that they help provide some continuity and stability to our lives over time. While the form of some rituals are prescribed by religious or cultural traditions, most rituals allow for some "customization" to meet our particular needs. Thus, we can create or re-create rituals in ways that meet our needs now. This may entail joining with a different group of folks to celebrate, celebrating with an alternative activity, or "re-writing the script" for a traditional activity. Let your creativity and the willingness of others to participate be your guide. Enlist the help of others, ask others about their traditions, explore how a ritual was done in past generations within your own family or group.

In addition to regular holiday activities, every area has many no-cost or low-cost activities available. Within your local area, there are parks and scenic areas available for hikes, bike rides, and nature hunts. Take a group and explore! Listed weekly in every major paper are activities ranging from lectures to concerts to balloon rides. Be experimental; try something out of the ordinary for you and your group.

Part of the point of doing things with others is to avoid "sitting on the sidelines and suffering in silence." Sadness often breeds isolation, which in turn breeds more sadness. To break this cycle, spend time with others. Call a friend with whom you can share your feelings. If you don't have others readily available to you, search out a support group. Quite often, your local paper will list many support groups available to you at no cost. Finally, if your feelings are getting the best of you or you feel "out of control," contact a local mental health professional.

While the holiday blues can get us down, it doesn't have to. By exercising the abilities you already have, and practicing some of the skills described here, you can manage and over-come the blues and again enjoy holidays as a time of revitalization, renewal, and celebration of life.

Dr. Hulgus is a practicing licensed psychologist and psychotherapist with Burrell Behavioral Health in Springfield, Missouri, Texas. He is the author of several professional journal articles and book chapters, as well as a series of mental health informational handouts such as the one you have just read. Dr. Hulgus's current interests include working with addictions, abuse trauma recovery for both women and men, and men's mental health issues. Dr. Hulgus may be contacted at Burrell Behavioral Health - (417) 269-5400.

© Copyright 2003 Smalley Relationship Center

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