Q: My husband who has been looking at porn online and in hotels for over two years has also been comparing my 50 year old body to those he's gawking at. I'm in great shape for a mother and grandmother of my age and I work out and eat healthy. Still it has devastated me to the point that I no longer take my clothes off in his presence, nor will I let him see me nude. He told me that he can't get excited sexually with me, but he can looking at these other women. So, I no longer have any desire to be with him sexually much less take my clothes off for him to criticize my body parts that aren't up to par with those women he's viewing online. How can I "get over it" and not be jealous as he says?

My husband is 60, has a pot belly, grey hair, a sagging chin and wrinkles and yet I still think he's sexy and handsome.

A: I want to approach this question from a different angle and straight from Scripture. I want to address the husband, rather than the wife, and encourage him on how to respond to his wife's naked body.

The Song of Solomon is an 8 chapter book in the Old Testament painting a beautiful picture of romance, intimacy and sex between a husband and wife. Its progression is the proper order of a relationship. In chapter 4, Solomon is watching his new bride undress. He starts at the top of her head and works his way down her body:

1 How beautiful you are, my darling!
Oh, how beautiful!
Your eyes behind your veil are doves.
Your hair is like a flock of goats
descending from Mount Gilead.

2 Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn,
coming up from the washing.
Each has its twin;
not one of them is alone.

3 Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon;
your mouth is lovely.
Your temples behind your veil
are like the halves of a pomegranate.

4 Your neck is like the tower of David,
built with elegance;
on it hang a thousand shields,
all of them shields of warriors.

5 Your two breasts are like two fawns,
like twin fawns of a gazelle
that browse among the lilies.

6 Until the day breaks
and the shadows flee,
I will go to the mountain of myrrh
and to the hill of incense.

7 All beautiful you are, my darling;
there is no flaw in you. Song of Solomon 4:1-7

Jewish women in Solomon's day wore their hair up. She begins by letting her hair down (v. 1). Solomon then notices that her teeth are clean, straight and none of them are missing (v. 2). Her lips are delicate and her neck is of nobility (vv. 3, 4). Her breasts are to be approached with gentleness (v. 5). Solomon wants to be with her all night long (v. 6). Solomon uses images of his day to praise her beauty. Verse 7 is the key and the words every wife wants to hear from her husband: "There is no flaw in you." Be sure to never say a disparaging word when it comes to your wife's body. Only praise.

Sex is a barometer of the marriage. When your wife feels safe with you and you feel safe with her, intimacy will automatically happen. Guard your words, and keep your marriage a safe place for your wife.

Blessings!

© Copyright 2007 Smalley Relationship Center

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