Q: Eighteen months into marriage, I may have made a mistake. My parents warned me against marrying her, but I did not listen. I was in love, madly in love! Now, we are frustrated and spending less and less time together. She goes her way, I go my way. Conversation is strained. We need help!

A: All too often, people marry before acquiring the knowledge and skills necessary to take care of their mates: to meet their emotional, mental, and physical needs. One of the ironies in our society is that a person has to have four years of training to receive a plumber's license, but absolutely no training is required for a marriage license. Our educational system doesn't even require communication courses basic to the meaningful development of any relationship. I was certainly among the untrained when I married. It has taken my wife, Norma, and my friends many years to help me become a more loving husband.

It is typical for a man to marry without knowing how to talk to his wife. Some men don't even know that their wives need intimate communication. Often a man is completely unaware of his wife's sensitive nature. They don't realize that a woman's home, children, family, and friends become an interwoven part of her identity.

Many women step into marriage equally handicapped. They don't understand that admiration is to a man what romance is to a woman. They don't understand that man generally relies on reasoning rather than intuitive sensitivity.

You can't go this alone. You need to get help.

If you had a painful, large kidney stone, you wouldn't walk around saying, "Oh no, I'm just going to let it go because it costs about $6,000 dollars to have the surgery and I don't want to spend the money." You wouldn't care if it cost $20,000 dollars. You would get the help you needed!

Yet all too often couples are walking around doubled over emotionally from their unhealthy marriage situation. The pain is crippling, yet they're not willing to get help or pay for it. If your marriage is in trouble, money should not be an issue. You can find it. You can borrow it. You can learn to live on less. Your marriage is too important. Get help and get it fast.

At the bottom of our webpage (www.garysmalley.com) you'll find a splash page that reads "Emergency 911 for your marriage." There you can find help for your marriage.

You need to stay in the fight. Don't retreat! Your marriage is worth fighting for.

© Copyright 2008 Smalley Relationship Center

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