Q: Recovering this marriage seems impossible. Separation or divorce seems like the only way to keep the peace. I want to be happy again. Is it permissible to want to be happy again?

A: For just a moment, consider your character over your happiness. Your character produces long term joy and peace. That is the goal.

Solomon was the wisest man who walked the earth. He had knowledge and insights into everything—from how to manage money to maintain the best marriages. And he shared his wisdom with us in the book of Ecclesiastes and Song of Solomon. One of my favorite Solomonisms comes from Ecclesiastes 7:3 which says, "Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart." That may seem a little depressing at first, but here's what Solomon is really saying: pain is meant to shape us. Pain can be used by God to mold you into his image and to allow the fruits of the spirit to grow in your life in fuller measure.

I look back on the most painful times of my life. At the time I hated them. I want them to pass. I wanted things to change. But now as I look back, I realize that those were moments when God was growing me. I was being conformed to the image of Christ.

I know of a pastor in Dallas who shared a story from his early days in ministry. He was working around the clock—burning the candle on both ends and in the middle. One day his wife came home with a packed bag and announced, "I'm done, this marriage stinks."

"Give me one more chance, give me one more chance, I will listen," the pastor begged.

"You've never listened," she said. "You have never been concerned about me. Forget you, I'm done."

One of the pastor's friends offered some stinging but truth-filled words, "The Bible is full of information for living and the way in which we are to live. You love teaching it, but you are not applying it to your life."

The pastor knew he was right.

He spent some time in prayer and fasting and discovered God like he never saw him before. He begged God to give his marriage one more chance. God faithfully answered that prayer. You may recognize the pastor's name: Chuck Swindoll.

Choosing character over happiness means…

• God gave you your mate to make you holy, not happy (happiness flows from holiness)



• Marriage is the best tool I know for making you more like Jesus



• Marriage builds character through patience and endurance



• Character is not built overnight and neither is your marriage. It takes more than years, it takes a lifetime



• No one on earth will ever know you better than your spouse, so they are a partner in character development. They help you quickly identify chinks in your armor.

Always choose character even when it leads you down a difficult, painful or hard road. The person who is constantly looking for the easy way out is not going to be shaped or become all they're created to be.

Blessings!

© Copyright 2008 Smalley Relationship Center

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