Q: My mother and I are having a disagreement over the appropriate age to start dating. What do you think?

A: Age has become one of the key factors in our culture for dating. I dont know how or why so much emphasis is placed on age, but I would encourage you to consider 2 other factors in dating: Maturity and Purpose.

To me, age is not really the issue, but rather maturity. Have you proven yourself trustworthy to your parents? Can they trust you to be home when they tell you to? Can they trust you to be 100% honest with them on the day to day issues in your life? Trustworthiness is a mark of maturity that may or may not be present at age 16. Sixteen seems to be that magic age for parents to tell their children to wait. But the factor of maturity is far more important than age. Which leads me to my next dating factor.

What is the purpose for your dating? To learn relational skills? That can be done in large groups and with friends. Is the purpose to be alone and spend large amounts of time with your boyfriend or girlfriend? That takes me back to the first factor. Can you be trusted to be alone with someone you are dating without crossing the lines of purity?

I would continue the conversation with your mom. However, take the focus off of your age and place it on the deeper issues of maturity, trustworthiness and purpose. I guarantee you that your relationship with your mom will deepen as you share your intentions and heart beliefs.

Blessings!

© Copyright 2007 Smalley Relationship Center

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